Monday Lisa
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A Night of Virtue Signaling At The Oscars
Holy Gonads, Batperson. The signal says culprit is anyone with a penis.
Tide Pod ‘Secret Snacker’
Jimmy’s hurrying to stock up on his favorite Tide Pod snackies before the age restriction and ID check goes into effect. When asked what his plans were for staying stocked with the tasty little treats ‘post-ban’, Jimmy said, “I know the addresses of all the Procter & Gamble employees within 100 miles of here. I’ll just kidnap some family members and ….well, you can figure out the rest of the plan.”
**FakeNewsAlert**
Rule Z – Dumbass Apocalypse Is Already Here
Rule Z – There is never, ever just one zombie.
Teddy’s Last Dinosaur Hunt
Teddy Roosevelt bags the last known Triceratops during a Bighorn sheep hunt in Montana. The future president was quoted as saying, “I’m going to need to get a bigger wall for that bad boy.”
**FakeNewsAlert**
High Flying Low Rider
I’m too sexy for my step ladder. And my wheels. And my shirt.
Right Said Fred “I’m Too Sexy”