“That’s Gotta Hurt”

Bear Spray Douche

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Don’t be the guy that tried using bear spray to  relieve his jock itch.  Hmmm.  There might be a little more to the story, so make sure you read the “Daily Caller Pro Tip: If Your Junk Is Covered In Bear Spray, Maybe Get Naked And Scrub With Milk“.

A man in small-town Canada stripped down to his birthday suit at a gas station late last month and began drenching his man parts with milk — apparently because he Smokey_Bear_Naked_Fire_Dangerhad somehow managed to squirt some bear spray down his pants.

The unidentified man was completely naked when police arrived on the scene, according to CTV News, a Canadian television station.

“He was in excruciating pain and vigorously using his shirt to scrub his genitals with homogenized milk in an attempt to relieve the pain,” Royal Canadian Mounted Police spokesman Don Wrigglesworth told CTV.

 

Daily Darwin – Practicing for Niagara Falls Barrel Plunge

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Darwin figures that this little guys genome will be ready to take the Niagara Falls Barrel Plunge when he turns six years old.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Chiraq – ChiPhone

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Apple is still working to perfect production techniques for their new ChiPhone. Their usual 6 day Chiraq_ChiPhoneInventory Turnover ratio has been slowed considerably by an uptick in Workers Compensation issues occurring with the Product Development Team.  Consequently, Team Leaders are considering a temporary halt in Field Testing.

A senior member of the Team was heard to say that it’s “imperative to bring the Project back into the lab to further refine testing protocols because the mayhem factor is still not under control.”

Here’s a summary of their analysis provided by HeyJackass.com.

Could Hillary Be Stealing Buddy’s Meds

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Yeah, I know Buddy passed from mysterious circumstances  in January, 2002, but to make the story work, let’s just talk about Hillary’s other pets.  Suppose….

From CBS Philly comes the report, “Why Some Are Stealing Medications From Their Pets“.

PHILADELPHIA (CNN) — Some of us may be sharing a little too much with our pets.

Hillary_Barks_Like_A_DogSure, people share their dinners with their dogs, and some share their beds, but that kind of closeness generally isn’t as much of a major danger to human health as this new kind of closeness uncovered by unsuspecting scientists. There is now scientific evidence that some people may be sharing their pets’ medications.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMZqS7q7voY

No More Weiner for Huma

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The Daily Mail reports, “Humiliated Huma FINALLY dumps sexting Weiner:”  Considering the apt attention Ms. Abedin has been shown paying Hillary Clinton in the numerous photos portraying the “Emailgate” scandal, Ms. Abedin may not have liked Weiner much anymore, anyway.

Bruce_Jenner_Weiner_Way_Road_or_Weiner_Away_LaneHillary aide separates from husband just hours after it is revealed he sent photo of his crotch while their four-year-old son slept beside him as child services looks into incident.

Huma Abedin is separating from her husband Anthony Weiner in the wake of his latest sexting scandal.

The Clinton campaign manager released a statement on Monday morning just hours after the New York Post reported that Weiner had been sending lewd texts to another woman behind her back, marking the third time he had been caught in the act in the past five years.Weiner_WeinerMobile_JackKnifes

Making matters worse, one of the pictures was of Weiner showcasing his manhood in a pair of boxer briefs while the couple’s four-year-old son Jordan lay asleep next to him in bed.

Reprising some our best Anthony Weiner Headlines:

Hillary’s New Celebrity Endorsement Contract

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Just like athletes make money by wearing Nike, or Speedo or guzzling Dos Equis, Hillary has a plan too.  And let’s face it folks, based on the way that Hillary and the Clinton Foundation got donations, that woman, Hillary Clinton, won’t even take a dump without being paid for it.

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