“We’re All Gonna Die”
Keith Richards RIP Update – “I Won’t Back Down” Edition
Keith still lives, but Tom Petty, unfortunately, does not. Tom made his ‘Guitar Gently Weep‘ while every ‘American Girl’s‘ knees got a little wobbly. He vowed he ‘Won’t Back Down‘ until he got his ‘Last Dance With Mary Jane‘. He did and it was his last. I wish you ‘Hadn’t Done Me Like That‘ so soon, Tom.
Now here’s Keith, Rock’s true ‘Energizer Bunny’ – he just keeps waggin’ (and shaggin’) that tail.
‘Double-Dog Dare’ You To Grab a Window Seat
Who’s got the ‘Depends’? And the ‘Barf Bags’? And the ‘Blind-folds’? And the ‘Ear-plugs’? And the ‘Xanax’? And the ‘Jack Daniels’? And the ‘Effing Parachute? Especially the ‘Effing Parachute.
Mr. Miyagi’s Eight-legged Assistant – Wax On, Wax Off
Mr. Kensuke Miyagi, the Karate Kid’s intrepid instructor, has a new assistant instructor for those times when “wax on, wax off” just isn’t enough.
Which Clown – Door One? Or Door Two?
The doors revealed…. Wait! Nobody mentioned Door Three. Try clicking it. You know you want to know.
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“Scary Movie” Doppleganger
Imagine yourself on a winding two lane road, fogbound, 25 miles from nowhere and the ‘low tire pressure warning’ sounding for 2 tires, and, of course, you only have one donut spare that’s low on air. And if that’s not enough, your gas gauge is warning in it’s best ‘see, I told you so’ Google voice saying, “you have 2.2 miles until empty, dummy. You should have filled up at the 7-Eleven where you bought the bad burritos.” And speaking of bad burritos, the cramps are coming so fast and hard that you know it’s time to make for the bushes and hope there’s no poison ivy. When… up ahead you spot…?? Tail lights…?? Wazat…?? OMG!! I’m in my own “Scary Movie!!”
Scary Movie 1 – Official Trailer
Alice’s Psychedelic Rabbit
Poor rabbit looks like he has ‘pink eye’.
The rabbit hole can be inviting, but a bit strange for some.
Emiliana Torrini – “White Rabbit (Sucker Punch)”
Girls With Big ‘Effing Machine Guns
I love the smell of ‘gunpowder‘ perfume in the morning. It’s my Pumpkin Spice Latte.”
Zuckerpocalypse – 2024
2020 or 2024, same difference. Will Big ZuckerBrother get to rule Oceania? Does it mean something that ZuckerBrother was born in 1984? He does have that “Big ZuckerBrother is Watching You” part down pat, for sure.
New NFL ‘Player Designed’ Helmet
In keeping with the spirit of “Letting the inmates run the asylum”, the leadership of the NFL has approved the new “player designed” headgear. Kumbaya, Bro….
A groundskeeper was heard saying about the new headgear, “Pussies to the left of me, pussies to the right. Pussies upstairs in the Broadcast booth, pussies in the Owner’s box and pussies in the Commissioners Office. There’s so many pussies in the NFL now that I’m catching a case of the cramps.”
The News Hour with Kim Jong-RocketMan
Meet ESPN and The NFL Network’s newest talent. It’s speculated that Kim Jong-RocketMan will be not only have a Weekend Show talking both sports and politics, but also be doing a three minute spot prior to the start of each game. RocketMan states that the yet unnamed spot will definitely not have any socially divisive music. And “that’s the way it is“.
