toilet paper

You Horde It – You Own It

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Costco says, “We busted our asses to get you your horde of 10,000 rolls of Personal Anal Wipes (PAWs), so you own them.  You can bequeath them to you great-great grandchildren as proof that you were a survivor of the Chinese Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020.  As a public service, we are providing an App called “PAWS” or “Will You Outlive Your Toilet Paper Supply – EZ Calculator.”  Download it today.

Oregon Snowflakes Call 911 To Deliver Toilet Paper

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Oregon Police Are Begging People to Stop Calling 911 If They Run Out of Toilet Paper

Darwin is truly hard at work during this “Great Coronavirus Hunkerdown”.

The Gateway Pundit – It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance,” Newport Oregon Police said in a Facebook post.
The police had some fun and offered residents alternatives to toilet paper if they were to run out.

“In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue,” the police said.
“Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.”

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New Product To Help Clean Up After FakeNews CNN Town Halls

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You know that the aftermath of a FakeNews CNN Town Hall can be truly nasty and almost impossible to clean up behind (Huh?).  But now, with the New RotoWipe your little problems get flushed right down the drain.  No more dealing with nasty hangers-on, dingleberries, or having to do the dreaded TP Shuffle.

A FakeNews CNN Town Hall Product