The Babylon Bee

Gov. Newsom Says “Let The Pooping Begin Again In San Francisco.”

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San Francisco Cleaned Up For Xi Visit. Now, Things Are Back to Normal.

Even a caveman and the Babylon Bee knew it would be…

Red State–If there’s anything that indicates a politician or group of politicians isn’t taking something seriously, it’s when they apply a Band-Aid over a problem when it’s noticeable, and then let things go back to the way they were. That’s what happened in San Francisco when the city cleaned up their homeless encampments and open-air drug bazaars during the visit of the Chinese dictator Xi. Now, according to one San Francisco business owner, it’s once more business as usual in the city by the Bay.

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Do You Need One More Reason Not To Fly?

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Delta Airliners Add ‘Explosive Diarrhea‘ Warning Lights

Babylon Bee–Following a much-publicized incident this week in which a flight had to turn back due to a passenger suffering from intestinal issues that created a biohazard, Delta Airlines has announced that all planes will be outfitted with an “explosive diarrhea’ warning light.

“This quickly became our No. 2 priority,” said airline spokeswoman Charmin Brown. “After this week’s unfortunate experience, we decided that, much like seatbelts or no-smoking lights, it would be best to have a way to notify all of our passengers of explosive diarrhea. This way, everyone onboard will be made aware whenever it’s, you know, about to hit the fan.”

Passengers onboard diarrhea plane share ordeal: ‘It was dribbled down the aisle, smelled horrible’

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News Ripped From The Headlines Of “News Yet to Come”

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Female Weightlifter Suffers Tragic Testicle Injury Just Weeks Before Tokyo Olympics

The Babylon Bee–100% totally female weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was forced to bid farewell to her Olympic dreams yesterday after a tragic accident left her with a severely lacerated testicle. Hubbard would have been the first transgender woman to compete in the Olympics.

The injury is not life-threatening, but doctors have advised Hubbard that she needs to refrain from heavy lifting for at least six to eight weeks as her injury heals. Obviously, that means Olympic weightlifting is off the table.

**The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come (“News Yet to Come”) appropriately appropriated from Charles Dickens
**/sarc ‘n /snark

Meanwhile In Canada (by way of Cornwall) – “Mon Dieu! Benoit? Summon the Mounties.”

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Masculine Pronouns??  Justin says “Nyet! Vladie. There ain’t no stinking masculinity here…”

The Babylon Bee–World War 3 was nearly started after G7 attendees referred to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau using masculine pronouns, misgendering the progressive, inclusive, genderless leader.

“Excuse me — him?” an indignant Trudeau said after he overheard Putin referring to him using male pronouns. “How dare you! Did you just assume my gender? Wow. I mean, I thought this was the current year!”

Flintstones Vitamins With ‘Advanced’ Puberty Blockers

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Babylon Bee–Bayer AG, the multinational pharmaceutical corporation, has announced a brand new line of trans-friendly Flintstones vitamins laced with puberty-blocking hormones. To help normalize early childhood transition, the vitamins will be on sale over the counter without restriction.

Flintstones vitamins’ new girl-to-boy chewables will be made of anabolic steroids with vitamins and delicious fruit flavors added in. The vitamins will be completely organic and hormone-free– except, of course, for the synthetic hormones which are the active ingredient.

Other Puberty Blocking ‘Strateries’

**/sarc ‘n /snark
**Found here.

The Kindle Bonfire – Fahrenheit 451 Is Reality

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Amazon Removes Book Critiquing Transgender Movement

Daily Caller–Amazon removed the bestselling book “When Harry Became Sally: Responding To The Transgender Moment” from its online store on Sunday, the book’s author announced.

Published in 2018 by then-Heritage Foundation research fellow and now-Ethics and Public Policy Center President Ryan T. Anderson, the book was an immediate bestseller, even on Amazon, according to the Washington Post. However, the online shopping giant removed the book on Sunday, Anderson tweeted.

Fahrenheit 451 (2018) Official Trailer

Mike Lindell, The ‘My Pillow’ Guy, Tired Of Being Cancelled, Gets Woke

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In Effort To Appeal To Socialists, Mike Lindell Introduces ‘OurPillow’

The Babylon Bee–Mike Lindell, more commonly known as the “MyPillow Guy,” is making headlines once again with his newest line of pillows. MyPillow is now targeting the socialist demographic with the release of OurPillow.

“MyPillow did really well in the Trump era, but now with a new administration, it’s time to try out OurPillow, my comrades!” said an exuberant Mike Lindell. “And we are proud to announce that we are transitioning to overseas factories so every OurPillow will be made 100% in the communist utopia of China!”

**/sarc ‘n /snark
**Found here.