The Gods of Headlines have been kind to us today thanks to the New York Post.
Samuel L. Jackson, “Snakes On A Plane”
WTF
Another Tasteless Tourist Curio
Perhaps tasteless was a poor choice of words….
Louisiana Theme Park Wildlife Alert
No Compost On My Barbie
Even vegans in Venezuela can’t be convinced to eat All-Bran.
Here’s what’s on my barbie. Vegans. What’s on yours?
Meat Oscar Meyer
Play on words, not a typo. From WeinerMobiles to Clowns….
Dignitysink
In the world of electronics, we have “heatsinks“. These are the little devices that suck the heat away from your laptop computer and cook your balls. Sorry. I mean turn your thighs into bacon.
We now have an item of apparel called a “DignitySink”. You wear these little hushpuppies and any self-esteem you might still retain leaks into the street.
Minions Don’t Work Weekends
Wait for it. Wait for it. Ahhh. I think I get it.
Harambe’s Brother is Coming for You
And he’s pissed. Oh, and he has an AK-47. What do you think happens next?
Jeff Foxworthy Rant – They Must Be Idiots
Attributed to Jeff Foxworthy (yeah, the “You Might be a Redneck” if guy):
If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
WE DO LIVE IN SUCH A DUMB COUNTRY!!
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
