Darwin notes with circumspect glee that the only things worse about skiing other than getting up at Zero-dark:30 to pack all of your crap for the skiing trip, are driving through a blizzard on snow-covered, icy roads just to get to even more snow, or the frigid-brrrr!! cold, or the crappy parking in between slush mountains, or the super expensive lift tickets, or the assholes that can actually ski that get all the girls, or all of the people and trees destined to get in your way, or the stupid boots, or that frozen rope of snot hanging from your nose, or the lines for the chairlift, is the actual chairlift ride itself — and that’s an ‘effing bitch.
Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors
“Cold” is a relative term. Use the handy list below to overcome the confusion. Degrees (Fahrenheit). More “Cold Jokes” found here. Canadians, eh? get honorable mention throughout.
65 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant gardens. Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.
60 above zero: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Duluth. You can see your breath.
40 above zero: Minnesotans drive with the sunroof open. Italian cars don’t start. Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts. Minnesotans go swimming.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.
25 above zero: Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming, eh?
20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats & mittens. Minnesotans throw on a flannel shirt. Maritimers put on a T-shirt. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. British cars don’t start. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further South.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in Minnesota have one last cookout before it gets cold. Toronto water freezes. Vancouverites weep pitiably. Manitobans eat ice cream on the patio. Maritimers go swimming.
10 above zero: You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 above zero: You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. Montreal water freezes.
Zero: Miami residents cease to exist. Minnesotans close the windows. Alaskans put on T-shirts.
5 below zero: French cars don’t start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. Minnesotans dig their winter coats out of storage. Too cold to ski. Manitobans do up the top button. German cars don’t start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
15 below zero: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects.
20 below zero: Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don’t start.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in Minnesota still selling cookies door to door. American cars don’t start. Yukoners put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.
30 below zero: German cars don’t start. Swedish cars don’t start.
40 below zero: Washington, D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors. Ottawans shovel snow off roof. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip South.
50 below zero: Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window
60 below zero: You plan a two week hot bath (if you could only thaw the water). The St Lawrence freezes over.
Haiti’s capital city doesn’t have a sewer system. Instead, so-called nightsoil, or human excrement, is largely removed by hand by workers who toil at night under cover of darkness.
Port-au-Prince, Haiti, is one of the largest cities in the world without a central sewage system. Most of the more than 3 million residents use outhouses and rely on workers with some of the worst jobs in the world, hauling away human excrement by hand one bucket at a time. The men are called bayakou, and they work in the dark by candlelight.
**I did a little “Recycling” here because the Toxic Surfer Meme was most excellent.
Your Government shows up at Zero Dark:30 to WHAT? Arrest Roger Stone for “what legal experts call ‘process crimes’ – lying to investigators and trying to tamper with their work.” And Mueller is supposed to be the ‘Gold Standard’ of prosecutorial integrity? Winston Smith (1984) fared just about as well when Big Brother’s Jackbooted thugs(link NSFW) arrested he and his girlfriend.
Roger Stone, a former longtime confidant of President Donald Trump, was arrested in Florida on Friday morning following a federal indictment resulting from Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s sprawling probe into Russian election meddling.
FBI agents armed with rifles took the self-described political dirty trickster into custody in a dramatic pre-dawn raid with their weapons drawn and a lead agent shouting ‘FBI! Open the door! We have a warrant!’
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