humor

Chris Christie’s BeachGate – A Dab ‘O Art

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I see a ‘beach scene‘ shot from a aerial drone. The only thing missing is Chris Christie….

Oh! Here’s Chris!!

Hillary Copes – Alternate Nostril Breathing For Her Alternate Reality

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This ‘howler‘ was reported in the Washington Examiner, “Hillary Clinton demonstrates ‘alternate nostril breathing’ during CNN interview“.

Failed Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton demonstrated on Wednesday one of the ways she dealt with her shocking loss to President Trump in the aftermath of the 2016 election while promoting her new campaign memoir.

“Seems like you’ve been doing a lot of yoga?” CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked during an interview organized as part of Clinton’s What Happened book tour.

“Yes, I have,” Clinton responded. “And alternate nostril breathing.”

Here are a few examples of why Hillary’s life now consists solely of making excuses and alternate nostril breathing. Look.

And if just the thought of Hillary’s ‘alternate nostril breathing’ wasn’t enough to gag you out, Anderson Cooper says, “Gee, Hillary! Can we see? Please? Can we…..?”

Cooper then asked Clinton to show him what the coping mechanism entailed.

“I would highly recommend it,” Clinton started. “You are supposed to shut your eyes — I don’t want to shut my eyes on national television — but you do hold [your nostril] and breathe through one, and you hold it and then you exhale to the other and you keep going.”

Apple Announces iPhone X Accessories

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Not only will your iPhone X turn your face into a ‘poop emoji’, which is Apple’s way of telling you that you paid way, way too much for that phone, but you can also take care of all of your kitchen tasks with this new accessory.

**FakeNews Alert

Hillary’s Last Excuse – Whoops! Didn’t See That Coming

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From the Gateway Pundit, “What Happened? Hillary’s New Book Sees Price Slash of 40% by Amazon, Walmart Before Release“.

Amazon and Walmart both cut the price of 2016 failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s memoir ‘What Happened‘ by 40% just a day before its release – SAD!

Hurricane Irma ‘Sign Language’ Interpreter Throws Sign Bombs

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Florida Governor Rick Scott’s sign language interpreter did everything but “bend over and kiss his ass goodbye” to prove the point that Hurricane Irma was gonna be a bad one.  From the Gateway Pundit,

“Florida Governor’s Sign Language Interpreter Kills It – Flaps, Shakes and Drops Tongue During Presser “.

Just watching this guy wears me out, but I think everyone gets the point. Now Governor Scott’s performance–pretty buttoned-down. But memorable? Maybe not so much…

 

#SJW’s – Spoliating Scatological Statues

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First the SJW’s came for General Robert E. Lee and then just plain Robert Lee. Then they came for Christopher Columbus and George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.  Next they’ll be coming for the scatologically incorrect “Unknown Poop Boy” for somehow culturally appropriating ‘indigenous peoples’ methods of, how shall we politely say, doing what a bear does in the woods.

When will it ever end?

 

Taco Bell Employees Win ‘Taking Out the Trash’ Award

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CBS Pittsburg reports, “Police: Taco Bell Employees Fatally Shoot Armed Robber“.  Who says you “don’t bring a burrito to a gunfight?”

Police say three employees of a Cleveland Taco Bell opened fire on two armed robbers, killing one.

Police have said two masked robbers entered the restaurant early Wednesday and ordered three employees to lie on the floor. Police say three other employees pulled out handguns and opened fire, shooting one of the suspects six times. The other suspect ran off.

Investigators say ‘the armed robber’ Jackson was found with a loaded gun in his hand. He was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead.

***Hmmmm? Half of the Taco Bell crew was armed? Hmmmm? Just sayin’.