Daily Darwin

Daily Darwin – Washington State Man Shoots Himself In Balls

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Darwin chortles heartily about the dude that shot himself in the ol’ genomes who, by happenstance, was ‘very personally’ carrying  methamphetamine  and marijuana.  That fact, which just happened to slip his mind, until drumroll, please…. the ‘package’ coincidentally slipped out of his anus during surgery. The Wenatchee World reports this shit show, “Trouble snowballs for man who shot himself.”

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

[Darwin’s red-headed stepchild, who shall remain nameless] had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh….

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

**Should have been a “Florida Man” story.

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Daily Darwin – It’s Never Too Early To Plan Your Fourth Of July Show

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Darwin notes that proper show planning usually excludes the part where one’s ‘ownliest’ genomes are bathed in fiery, sparking reactive metals (aluminum or magnesium) causing a burst of very bright light and intense heat – sometimes at temperatures over 5000° F!

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Genius Says “Nuts” To Trigger Disciple

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Darwin is wont to point out that saying “nuts’ to good trigger discipline is most certainly like saying “hasta la vista, baby” to one’s ownliest and precious little genomes.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – You Can Run But You Can’t Hide From Karma

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Darwin notes gleefully the truism that “You can run but you can’t hide from Karma”, especially the fiery, exploding kind. He further notes that this is why you watch a rocket launch from a bunker, rather than a lawn chair on the launching pad.  He also observes that Karma and Schadenfreude are closely related-possibly sisters from another mother.

Daily Darwin – Skateur Flambé

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Ah, yes.  Darwin says.  The old “Skaterboarder Flambé routine.   Darwin’s suggests that to avoid such and occurrence,  keeping one’s precious genomes warm is best accomplished by long johns and a woolly robe than by a ‘splash’ of gasoline and a spark.

Skateboard Flambé or, if you prefer, Skateur Flambé.

https://youtu.be/jblHbG17_nY

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated

Darwin’s Chairlift and Skiing Brigade

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Darwin notes with circumspect glee that the only things worse about skiing other than getting up at Zero-dark:30 to pack all of your crap for the skiing trip, are driving through a blizzard on snow-covered, icy roads just to get to even more snow, or the frigid-brrrr!! cold, or the crappy parking in between slush mountains, or the super expensive lift tickets, or the assholes that can actually ski that get all the girls, or all of the people and trees destined to get in your way, or the stupid boots, or that frozen rope of snot hanging from your nose, or the lines for the chairlift, is the actual chairlift ride itself — and that’s an ‘effing bitch.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

Despicable_Minions_300x136_animated