Gropin’ Joe’s Memorial Day Makeover

The Gateway Pundit reports, “‘Sleepy’ Joe Biden Disappears From Campaign Trail Memorial Day Weekend“.

Leading Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden disappeared Memorial Day weekend after taking it easy on the campaign trail the past ten days, having held only one rally and three fundraisers. The 76-year-old former vice president appears to be living up to President Trump’s “sleepy” nickname for him.

We think the answer to “Where’s that ‘Sleepy Gropin’ Joe’ Biden?” is pretty straightforward. He’s taken the Holiday Week to have his face spackled to give him a new and youthful look. How’d he do?

The Babylon Bee Posts “AOC Free” Retraction

The Editors of The Babylon Bee admitted today that their article, “Ocasio-Cortez Appears On ‘The Price Is Right,’ Guesses Everything Is Free” may not have been entirely accurate an issued an apology for the confusion.  Readers give the story “Two Hehs Up”.

**/sarc ‘n /snark Alert.

Game of Thrones, Season 8 Finale To Be Remade?

From FoxNews, “Frustrated ‘Game of Thrones’ fans slam show with airplane banner across Seattle sky.

“Game of Thrones” fans in Washington state figured out a new way to vent their frustration about the hit HBO show’s last season.

“SOMEONE REWRITE GAME OF THRONES SEASON 8 PLZ,” read an airplane banner that flew across the Seattle sky around 3 p.m. on Wednesday.

Game of Thrones producers, feeling the pressure from millions of unhappy fans, began taking suggestions as to how to replace the Iron Throne that Drogon melted into slag. Here’s one….

“All Hail Guinea ‘The Pig’ from the House of Kale”

Daily Darwin – Washington State Man Shoots Himself In Balls

Darwin chortles heartily about the dude that shot himself in the ol’ genomes who, by happenstance, was ‘very personally’ carrying  methamphetamine  and marijuana.  That fact, which just happened to slip his mind, until drumroll, please…. the ‘package’ coincidentally slipped out of his anus during surgery. The Wenatchee World reports this shit show, “Trouble snowballs for man who shot himself.”

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

[Darwin’s red-headed stepchild, who shall remain nameless] had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh….

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

**Should have been a “Florida Man” story.

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