Darwin Awards

Pissed Camel Decapitates Negligent Lover

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From the Times of India comes this stomach churning reminder that even if you named your camel Clyde, you still better not piss him off,  “Tied in heat all day, angry camel severs owner’s head“.

JAISALMER: Left in the heat with its legs tied all day, a camel attacked its owner and severed his head in anger in Rajasthan’s Barmer district on Saturday. About 25 villagers struggled for 6 hours to calm the animal down.
Camel_Xing_Warning_Sign_250Urjaram of Mangta village was entertaining guests at his house on Saturday night when he suddenly realised that his camel had been out in the heat all day with its legs tied. He was attacked when he tried to untie the annoyed animal.”The animal lifted him by the neck and threw him on to the ground, chewed the body and severed the head,” villager Thakara Ram said. Villagers revealed that the camel had attacked Urjaram in the past as well.

As a general rule, camels are much easier to reason with when “It’s Midnight at the Oasis“.

Daily Darwin – Oops, My Bad

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Darwin states that when the “look both ways genome is recessive in a young male” life expectancy is short.  And often very flat.  And squashed.  Like a bug on a windshield.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Wrong Place, Wrong Time Genome

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Darwin says that some genomes are just destined to make the wrong choices–like riding a motorcycle.  Or, most especially, riding a motorcycle toward a road hazard tossed by a speeding car. Ouch!! Get the point.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Don’t Need No Stinking Wheels

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Darwin notes that the outcome for this racy genome may have been different had he not been an arrogant “Race Car Driving Asshole” and had had a kind word or two for his Pit Crew.  You know, those inconsequential, passive/aggressive little people with the lug nuts and fuel…

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Islamic Protester Dies From Inhaling Fiery Flag Fumes

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President Obama, in another outreach to Muslims everywhere, reported famed flag maker, Betsy Ross, to the US Environmental Protection Agency for allegedly producing a defective product.  The President said, “None of our Islamic brothers and sisters should ever have to perish from the scourge of fiery, flag fumes while engaging in their First Amendment rights no matter where in the world they might be.”

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Daily Darwin – Crushed Ice

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Darwin says that when one chips ice for one’s Very Dry Martini (James Bond’s receipe–shaken, not stirred) one should be above, not below the fault line.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Big Wheel’s Keep On Turning

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Darwin recommends playing Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary” while watching this crazy genome do a 360 degree Big Wheel flip.  He points out that attempting this stunt a second time would undoubtedly lead to the permanent sterility of the genius’ nomes due to SJS–Squashed Junk Syndrome.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Cabin Fever, AGW Style

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Darwin duly notes that this “fevered” camper was undoubtedly crazed by AGW-Climate Change-Global Warming (AKA: Weather). Otherwise, what the ‘effing hell would he have been doing on the roof of his cabin during avalanche season? Not only was he risking freezing the family jewels (not good for the old genome count), but burying them until Spring Thaw–which has been known to decrease the opportunity to pass those very genomes along.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Dread Diving

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Darwin rightly points out that when one’s hair outweighs his common sense, it’s probably not advisable to bollard walk.  You could say he made a “dreadful” decision.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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Daily Darwin – Chasing Balls

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Darwin duly points out that if man was meant to play golf (chase little balls around) he wouldn’t have been given his own little set much closer at hand.

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Natural selection deems that some individuals serve as a warning to others. Who are we to disagree? The next generation, ever and anon, is descended from the survivors

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