The New York Times’ new mascot “Paperboy” is said to be mostly paper-trained, except when he hears the Times’ new motto “All The Poop Fit To Be Polished” and gets all excited.
The New York Times Gets New Mascot and Motto
PC-Political Correctitude
It’s A Big Boy’s World, Right Bob?
Hey, California!! Let’s Build A Wall For Jerry
Trump’s MAGA Southern Border Wall would be just the ticket to help Gov. Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown conquer those nasty plastic straws.
Properly Outfitted Social Justice Warrior
**SJW dressed by Under Armour, Chanel, Aeropostale, Ralph Lauren, and Van’s. Bell Riot Helmet not shown.
Mobile Trump Derangement Syndrome Intervention Vehicle
Creepy Straw Man
Meet California’s Straw Law Enforcer. He’s Gov. Brown’s secret plan to scare the sippy straws out of California’s children.
You’re Gonna Need Your New California Conceal Carry License
It’s called the CCSC License (California Concealed Straw Carry), and you can bet your sippy-cup it will be tough bitch to get.
Normally it’s a crime to carry either a ‘full or an empty’ straw in public in California. It doesn’t matter whether you are carrying a concealed straw or one that is openly carried or displayed in a beverage.
Unless you have a CCSC (California Concealed Straw Carry) license, publicly carrying a straw in California is against the law… period.
But you may be issued a permit to carry “a straw, flexible or fixed, or other flexible sipping impliment capable of being concealed upon the person” if:
- You are of good moral character;
- Good cause exists for issuance of the license because you or a member of your family has an unquenchable thirst;
- You meet certain residency requirements; and
- You have completed an acceptable course of straw, and straw sipping techniques training.
And don’t forget your $Million $Dollar Humane Safe Straw Storage and Disposal Guarantee Bond. Don’t leave home without it.
**Thanks Anon in MT
Your Humpin’ Days Are Over Rover
**Found here.
Perfect San Francisco Secret Straw
Don’t want to be arrested by the Straw Police? Jail’s not for you? But you’d still rather sip than slosh? Try this instead. The Police will never notice….
Millennial Mug
It really sucks to have to take time out from Social Justice Warrioring and Snapchatting to work at a job. So hang up those game controllers, pull up your big boy pants (is that sexist? Person-pants?), and go flip a burger.
**Thanks Anon in MT